Calling Nola Beldegreen!
Posted on January 31, 2024 | 23 Comments
A few years ago, when I was coaching the Staples High School boys soccer team, we headed to Maine for our annual summer “bonding trip.”
I drove one car; a recent graduate drove the second one. Along the way, I watched in the rear view mirror as he took a wrong exit.
“Call their car!” I said to the player riding shotgun.
“I’ll text,” he replied.
“No, call. It’s quicker!” I said.
“Dan, we don’t call,” he countered. “We text.”
Setting aside for a moment the irony of that remark — We do not use phones to make phone calls — it was a profound moment for me. I realized how different communication is these days.
And how much has been lost by a generation that does not like to talk, in real time, person to person.
Or — to go further, as Nola Beldegreen does — by a generation that actually fears speaking on the phone.
She should know. The longtime Westporter and an executive coach, she specializes in speaking and communication skills.
Nola has noticed the strong aversion by Generation Z — roughly those ages 12 to 27 — to phone calls. A recent New York Post story says:
The very thought of making a call is often accompanied by a sense of dread and impending failure for some.
Most subject matter experts believe this apprehension to phone calls is associated with social anxiety. Social anxiety stems from the fear of judgment or humiliation.
Gen Z uses phones for many things. A phone conversation is not one of them.
Texting and using apps such as Snapchat prevents mistakes from being made. Texting allows Gen Z to proofread and keep track of their conversation.
Texting also gives them time to respond appropriately without awkward silences and prevents any unforeseen mishaps. This eliminates chances of being judged or humiliated.
Texting is also quicker. It allows Gen Zers to quickly send off a text and walk away while waiting for a response.
Texting allows multi-tasking, whereas phone calls mean focusing your whole attention to what is happening on the line.
So Nola — who was an interscholastic forensics competitor at Rutgers College, Dale Carnegie instructor, and Glamour and Gourmet Magazine sales and events person — has added young people with phone anxiety to her roster of executives and sales teams who need communication coaching.
Her own “aha!” moment came at a meeting with 2 young people, both of whom were silent. She realized that although they sat together, they were texting each other — not talking.
Reiterating the Post article, Nola believes that removing a screen — FaceTime, Zoom, or text bubbles — creates anxiety in young people.
Spoken conversations are not part of Gen Z’s “daily repertoire,” she says.
“People get nervous. ‘What should I say?’ they ask. You can edit text. You’re not on the spot with having to respond immediately. If you’re not conditioned to that, it can be daunting.”
One client was stressed just calling for a haircut appointment.
Nola and I remember our own phone conversations.
“Hello, Mrs. Welker,” I’d say. “Can I please speak with Glenn?”
“He’s finishing his chores,” she’d say. “I’ll get him in a minute. How are you doing, Danny?”
Today’s young people did not grow up having those types of conversations with people they don’t know well. They feel uncomfortable talking on the phone — and their fears extend to speaking with their own peers.
But those types of conversations are important in both the professional and personal world. So Nola helps Gen Z-ers learn to have them.
In 6 sessions, she teaches clients how to initiate and receive phone calls with ease. That means organizing thoughts and ideas, then “sharing them extemporaneously, back and forth.”
Each session builds on the previous one. She likens her work to a personal trainer, who helps build biceps or quads.
Phones used to be located in specific places: kitchens, bedrooms, offices.
Now they are mobile. Calling or answering in a crowded, public place can add to anxiety. That’s “not good for mental health,” Nola says.
In today’s lonely, disconnected world, one-on-one phone conversations can be “warm, rich and exciting.” They are “powerful skills that can last a lifetime.”
So how does Nola work with clients?
Some of it, ironically, is by Zoom.
But many of those conversations are by phone. Like any fear, the best way to overcome it is to face it.
And where do most of her clients come from?
You guessed it.
Word of mouth.